This is who I am, this is what I do..

So on Tuesday me and my amazing boyfriend went on one of our epic adventures but this time a little closer to home, in Sheffield! The main purpose was to see one of our favourite bands 'Paradise Lost' later on but we decided to head to Sheffield at lunch time so yep that involved lots of drinking of course! We started off in a few cool bars near the station including 'The globe' which seemed to be one of the main student bars. Was cool though everybody seemed to be eating so we thought we'd grab a bite there too along with some cheap pints and a cocktail jug :p. We also took over in our usual style by putting some kick ass tunes on the jukebox which is kind of our thing lol! So yeah got to about 3pm so we decided to head further afield away from the erm station! We went in a few more cool places, yet another student bar plus an amazing bar I've been to a lot called 'the Old house' which specialises in beers and awesome cocktails! Couldn't leave without having a 'spiced zombie' I love rum anyway particularly Sailor Jerrys, have had that one in the past and knew it was yummy! So of course we had one and Paul well he doesn't turn down booze so I treated us to one of the elaborate cocktails where they set the lime on fire, I was warned not to put the straws in right away cos they'd set on fire haha! If your in Sheffield I suggest you try one (well in fact my grandma paid cause she gave me some pocket money the day before hehe so yep cheers grandma!!) So after we left there we were pretty drunk so had some chips to soak up some of the booze, we had a quick drink next to the venue then decided we'd better go stand outside in the queue for 20 minutes to sober us up lol! Did get some randomer to take a picture of us though so all good :) I really like this one even though I was kinda battered by now ;) Shows us looking bad ass ;) and also reflects how happy we are :)

We then went in, purchased a Paradise Lost t-shirt, that are both identical so yeah when we go out together now we have to check first if we're wearing it in case we're in fear of looking like twins! We then grabbed a beer, Met up with Paul's friend Stefan and his pal Laura who are both ace! We saw the first support band 'Vreid' Who are a Norwegian Black metal band. Not my usual cup of tea as I don't usually like 'screamy vocals' all the way through and absolutely hated hearing them on CD but live they were different I had a bit of a head-bang to them just a shame the crowd that were there to see them sucked I mean come on they weren't that bad! Then came Insomnium, a metal band from Finland.. who I felt the same about and wasn't sure if I'd enjoy them but boy was I wrong they kicked ass and were all amazing musicians! I also got a Vreid Guitar pick which am sure after thinking about it I'm pretty sure the bassist from Paradise Lost picked it up gave to me cos I recognised him when he went on stage with the band, so maybe he was supporting Vreid and is obviously more anoymous than say Nick Holmes the lead singer of PL! Very nice of him I must say as I never get anything cool like that at gigs! We then decided when most of the crowd headed to the bar that we were gonna get a spot near the front for Paradise Lost coming on so that we did. We were second row from the barrier and it was a pretty ace spot I have to say could see everything well :) Paradise Lost came on shortly after and did not disappoint!! Their setlist was a good mix of all their long career and reflected them really well and what they're about! My highlights were Fear of Impending hell, Soul Courageous, One Second, Erased and Symbol of life but it was all fucking awesome!! Only downside was that Nick's vocals were drowned out by the music I mean he has such an amazing diverse voice it would have been better if they turned the vocals up a little but other than that and a sore neck from moving my head I have absolutely no complaints whatsoever! So glad I got the tickets for me and Paul, a pretty awesome valentines gift for my babe I must say :D After the gig we were still buzzing and walked past the 'Devonshire cat' which is the pre gig pub and who did we spot quietly having a beer? 2 guys from Insomnium so us been us went in to say hi! I'm sure they thought who the fuck are these 2 looneys? Paul even offered to buy them a beer but they were like no we have to go! lol! they were nice though and appreciated it when we told them how amazing they were. Did make me laugh how me and Paul went all fangirl-ish on them and didn't really know what to say but cool all the same! we then got a bit lost and needed to get the last train home so we hopped in a taxi as it was for the best, but then realised we had 45 mins to kill so went back to The globe and necked some Jagerbombs as we saw they were 5 for £10 crazy? yes we are! We arrived back in Doncaster about midnight but didn't want to go home yet so we went in search of Beer and what we found wasn't disappointing! we found Vintage rock bar was still open which is one of our regular haunts anyway and even better we got to stay later as the place was buzzing til like 2am! We're pretty friendly with the staff in there anyway so they let us stay as we're cool and we spend money in there so all in all it ended the day pretty well, we also hung with Stefan some more who is an awesome guy! Next day me and Paul just vegetated pretty much for the whole day. Things like this do show me though that there is more to life than my mundane job, it's just something I do to earn money for the cool times like this! I have also learned that some bands can surprise you live even though I wasn't sure of them at first..this is what life is about, spending time with the people you love and generally just having a rocking time! I also recommend Paradise Lost to anyone who likes Metal or just genuine rock music, they aren't too heavy or have harsh vocals like some bands they're a great bunch of musicians who deserve more credit for what they do! Screw all this chart bollocks this is where it's at! Here are some pictures from the gig that turned out okay...

Here's to many more great times in 2012 with my lovely boyfriend and people that actually want to hang out with me :)I'm not usually the most 'sociable' person, people make me feel uneasy at the best of times but put me with like minded people then I don't shut up! Tuesday was definitely a reflection of the real me! Plus there is more to life than Ronan Keating I now realise this more and more..Just a shame some others don't see things my way and feel the need to follow his every move!

You want to live a lifetime each and every day..

Well not written on here for a while but today I felt like I needed to, have a few things on my mind so what better way than to get them off my chest than on here?

Well firstly I have been disappointed by a few close friends recently, mainly one that used to be my best mate, someone I basically lived with, someone I did everything with..Last time I saw this person was in November and he said 'lets not leave it so long next time' when I left, he gave me a hug and said he'd missed me so much. Did he keep his word? no did he bollocks.. it's now April and I have not seen him since which makes me very sad. I have tried several times to go over there and see him by sending a few texts, nothing too demanding just stuff like 'Hey we should do something soon or 'Shall we meet up for dinner one night' but got no reply! The only time he did contact me was one Saturday when I was at work asking me if I was working was like wtf? This does make me wonder if I should bother anymore? If people don't want to be my friend then they should just tell me instead of blatantly ignoring me I find it really fucking rude actually! I know people get into relationships, get new jobs and their circumstances change but you should never ever forget your real friends, the people that you can count on, well supposedly...Right now I am losing faith in some of them!
Another person in this list is someone I work with, I think somewhere in there is the person he used to be but right now he is consumed with been a total bell end at work and also in his personal life! He needs to wake up and stop been a fucking doormat all his life! I cannot look at this person the same and will never trust him with my feelings again as it's all one sided I'm afraid! I take everything he says with a pinch of salt and I am actually growing to hate this person which is a side of me I don't usually show but lately oh my god I wanna hit him! I'm not someone who is going to be used, only there when they want to vent their feelings and them have no consideration for anything I'm doing. I'd rather take a fuck you attitude and seem off with them because if I say how I really feel then it won't be pretty! Same goes for many people who work there, there are only about five people in the entire place that I can have a normal convo with and that is a shame! Only about two I could go for a drink with as I'm too different from the rest..
I am very happy I have recently got in touch with an old friend and saw her last week, shame I didn't contact her sooner as I've missed her in my life. So yeah thank god there are still some ace people in my life! Won't do that again as she doesn't deserve to be ignored like that.

Work is just draining the life out of me so much, it's not who I am at all it's just something I 'do' to make ends meet, to help me enjoy the fun side of my life with my amazing boyfriend who is everything to me! I think I need to focus on the good times and move on from the people mentioned previously. Lately I have adopted a live for the moment attitude cause what's the point in dwelling on people who don't want you in their lives anymore? Or in their lives half assed? It does hurt like hell but sometimes it has to be done I'm afraid. Life is too short to make room for people who only wanna be with you when it suits them..

I am even starting to change my feelings towards been a Ronan fan, never thought I would ever say that but it's how I feel. Yeah he is gorgeous, stunning and a great singer but at the moment I feel like I have no time to be the fangirl I once was. I will always love and support him but I do feel like he's a total fool as well for things happening in his personal life and to be honest I have no sympathy as the saying goes 'Once a cheat always a cheat' had it happen to me and I can totally understand how his wife feels :( Plus the whole fan population on twitter really fucks me off, stop scrutinising EVERYTHING he does, just enjoy it for what it is, you are not his friend, nobody is better than anyone else! get over yourselves a bit jeez! I am excited for the new album and will probably take back all I said here but for now I am in the mood to listen to hard ass rock! Not played Ronan in such a long time it's quite weird for me but hey its life I guess and people change.

I am looking forward to so much though, Paradise Lost gig on the 24th with my love, and then a week off in June where we will indeed rock the hell out of Manchester again. Plus loads of good times in between on our own turf! I would like to thank my boyfriend so much for just being him and bringing out the best in me. :D Roll on the good times baby!

Won't go into my feelings about the current state of music and society in general but y'all know how I feel about that by now lol! Will just say if your gonna go into a 'rock pub' and moan about mine and my boyfriends jukebox selections then I'm afraid you do not rock at all, people used to be cool and up for it, now they just moan I mean wtf seriously? Has the nation as a whole gone soft and think the likes of Coldplay rock? It's wrong I tell ya WRONG!

This is for the people who bug the shit out of me!

Blood on the ground - Incubus

I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground

Hand over my heart I swear
I've tried everything I could within all my power
Two weeks and one hour I slaved
And now I've got nothing to show
Oh if only you'd grow taller than a brick wall
From now on, gonna start holding my breath
When you come around
And you flex that fake grin
'Cause something inside me has said more than twice
That breathing LESS air beats breathing you in, oh

I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground

Hand over my mouth, I'm earning the right to my silence
In quiet discerning between ego and timing
Good judgment is once again proving to me
That it's still worth it's weight in gold
From now on I'm gonna be so much more wary
When you start to speak and my warm blood starts to boil
Seeing you is like pulling teeth
And hearing your voice is like chewing tin foil

I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground

High fives to better judgment
By saying less today, I will gain more, gain more
Low twos to you my, my fickle friend
You, you, you who brought the art of silent war

I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground