Last few months in a nutshell...

Well since Bloodstock I have had lots of 'post festival blues' especially since I had to go back to work and carry on as normal, bit hard going from rocking out every day to going back to reality and serving assholes in a pub but there you go. Going to Bloodstock made me realise more and more that life isn't to be taken too seriously so since then I have tried to have as much fun as possible in my spare time, mainly with my gorgeous Paul. I actually feel lucky and in love every day of my life and have done for the last ten months and six days :) Life at the moment just feels so wonderful and sharing it with such a special man makes me smile like never before, never thought I could feel this way ever but it just feels so so good. When I have a bad day at work I take a step back and think hey it's not bad because I'm in an amazing relationship and nothing can bring me down. Suddenly the small shit doesn't matter and life is beautiful and it will take a lot to upset me right now. I let small shit get to me sometimes but I soon get over it when I see Paul, everything just feels right with the world again! After a cuddle everything is good again :) So after bloodstock Paul and I have done some cool stuff, usually involved us getting drunk but hey what's new? Had some days/nights out on the drink. One Friday we met up with a few more friends and went out for 'a few quiet drinks' didn't quite end that way, it consisted of buying cocktail jugs, shots, spirits..you name it we drank it! Safe to say I was dying the following day at work but it won't be the first time and certainly not the last. Had a few occasions like that including going Bowling yesterday and then going on a bender afterwards, we skipped the pub lunch and went to the 'pub' instead so to speak. But it may seem like an average Monday or Tuesday to most but for us we always seem to have some random encounter or go in some random pub we don't usually visit, Corner Pin included in this. But I love it cause we just keep it real just drinking and upsetting the locals with our jukebox choices, but come on now we do indeed rock, shame everyone else doesn't see it that way but fuck em ya know? A main highlight for me was just a few weeks ago when it was Paul's birthday, those two days were amazing..Spending his actual birthday with him, seeing his face when he opened the gifts I'd bought him, the same gifts I had put thought and care into over a course of months. He instantly loved them and this made me happy. To me that was the best gift of all, I enjoy giving presents more than receiving them sometimes! We had a great night and we chatted, drank and laughed until the early hours. The next day was even better, yes Full Moon dog festival at the Cockpit in Leeds. We mainly went to see Orange goblin but before there were some great metal bands as well. Was a great night but also a great day as Paul and I decided to ditch the bands in the day time and go off and explore some more drinking establishments in Leeds so we found one of our local Leeds haunts, Carpe diem! Was quite lively in there with the Saturday afternoon drunks fighting among themselves but also great for us cos we had cocktail jugs and successfully got smashed before visiting another cool pub shaped like a boat. We then headed back to the Cockpit in time for Orange goblin who were amazing. Only downside was been right on the barrier and getting squashed by some morons and falling over when aiding the crowd surfers. But we did get Ben Ward leaning over us so that was a highlight..kind of, if your into sweaty rockers in your face that is! Cool experience though but next time I say "lets go to the front" may think about it first cos we know what happens now. Got very smashed that night and headed back to Donny where everyone else seemed to be wrecked and carrying their shoes round cos they can't walk in them lol! Had another cool time when we went to visit Lou and Dave in Uttoxeter. Which only can be described as more drunkenness involving rum, attack of the doggies, train drunkeness and lastly urrrghhhh...Paul knows what I mean lol ;) We can definitely blame the herbal schanapps but I actually don't think its meant to be polished off in the same day as a bottle of rum! Great times though and great friends :) Other things that have happened in my life are Ronan releasing an amazing new album and him generally just been gorgeous and amazing again. Discovering more and more cool metal music on band camp and through Paul. New boss at work who is really nice but seems to be influenced by the chavs (that needs to stop asap) But mainly falling more and more in love as each day passes. It will soon be a year for us two but what a year its been, looking forward to 2013 and the things we have planned already are gonna rock the socks off anything else :D..Katatonia, Ronan gig (for me) Kin hell fest, bloodstock and anything else in between! I feel so lucky and blessed to share all of these times with my boyfriend, lover, partner in crime, soul mate..and that happens to be the same person I love you so much Paul you are my world <3 I may be 30 in January but I still feel young, age is only a number after all, I will continue to do what I do cos I love it! I stay true to myself and don't let other people rule me. Rock on dudes!! Sorry for the randomness but hey that's how I roll xxx

These are my people this is my crowd..

Yo there, well as some of you know I attended Bloodstock Open air festival over the weekend, well what can I say? It was AMAZING I loved every second of it! Made it even special that I got to spend it with my gorgeous boyfriend <3 We arrived on Thursday in true metal fashion by Paul's mum taking us in the car, rock and roll right? like totally dude! So Me, Paul and Jade one of Paul's good friends arrived on the selected camp site 'Midgard' in the blazing sun around 1pm after the mammoth task of hauling the bags and the tents across the field, we camped in an okay spot among some of Jade's friends who turned out to be the best camp site drinking buddies ever..We got the tent up after about 15 minutes of struggling and got help from Chris another friend of Jade's by him lending us his mallet to bash the pegs in! So then we sat down and admired our work which can only be later described as a 'bit of a bodge up job' as the tent wasn't straight but hey it was up, it was secure so we then sat down for a well deserved beer whilst awaiting on Paul's friend Lou to arrive with her two young children. They soon arrived and I instantly felt a bond with these people. I know Lou means a lot to Paul and therefore I knew she'd be lovely as he is an amazing judge of character and wouldn't just be friends with anybody! So we helped them set up camp near us, sat down for a chat with them before entering the 'arena' Which consisted of ace market stalls selling any rock merchandise you could ever want, stages, fairground rides, drinking establishments,food stalls, an eco toilet known as 'pootopia' plus much much more. We bought chairs cos we realised we couldn't stand sitting on the floor all weekend plus got some free amusing hats! Thursday night was pretty much spent drinking in the bar and on the camp site..meeting random people in both. We also realised nearby campers were wannabe wrestlers and the males in that camp had all adapted Hulk Hogan style voices and we did wonder what their real voices sounded like, great bunch of guys though and a lot of fun! TBH it's weird been back home now and not hearing wrestler impressions going on into the early hours. So Friday Paul and I get up around 7 as we're too excited to sleep! We go for an early morning stroll into the arena to discover an amazing little cafe called 'Mr Teas' selling coffee, tea, cakes and alcoholic hot drinks too including Baileys hot chocolate which is to die for and definitely hit the spot on those hangover mornings let me tell you! Quaint little place that played new ages hippie music but all in all a great hang out spot for many festival goers alike with sore heads! We then went to pay Paul's friend Graham a visit and had a few early morning beers with him and everyone on his camp that seemed to consist of about 20 people, all sat in the sun blasting out heavy metal on a CD player powered by a car battery! Not sure how safe that was but hey it was cool..Some random ones in that camp too including a guy drinking out of a teapot but all in all amazing folk whom we kept on bumping into throughout the weekend! Friday was an epic day apart from it been WAY too hot I still have the sunburn to prove it, saw a few bands this day too including Grand Magus, Watain and Bememoth..The latter 2 are not my cup of tea as I don't really listen to Black metal as such but I did enjoy what they did and Waitain's fire on stage was epic! Alex, Lou and Dave's boy really got into them and was embracing them by head banging and doing the devil horns! definitely the coolest child ever, all kids need to be like this tbh lol! Went to bed early this night as the heat had taken it out of me plus I got to sleep in Lou's tent as she decided she was taking the kids home for the night as they lives locally plus she was bringing her husband Dave back the next day..So got an okay nights sleep and played guard dog for Lou's tent also! Woke up on Saturday and decided I was going to take a shower..Had to queue for almost an hour for a shower and pay £3 but it was SO worth it..I am a typical girl and am not the best camper and definitely couldn't leave my hair for so long without washing it so I decided to be dedicated and stand in that damn queue cos I would feel the benefits after and I really did! Saturday was my favourite day I felt good, I felt refreshed from the sleep and I got drunker than any other day too woohoo! Saw some brilliant bands as well including Testament and Machine head! Machine Head were fucking epic and was a personal highlight for me when they performed 'A thousand lies' from the Burn my eyes album, people got to vote on facebook for what tracks they wanted them to perform from said album and am SO glad that one got chosen as it's been a firm favourite of mine for years so yep I went a little bad, bounced and banged my head in true metal fashion. People diss Machine Head but for me they are amazing and have been a favourite band of mine for years. Third time I've seen them and they were as brilliant as ever! LET FREEDOM RING WITH THE SHOTGUN BLAST! indeed.. I also related to Robb Flynn's speech about how you meet certain people in life like us guys in the crowd who appreciate true metal and rock music and how we're the best people in the world, a rare breed. Our music means so much and we are so passionate about it he was right in everything he said, what a guy! Afterwards Paul and I tried out the eco shitter which was a treat tbh after spending time in festival toilets was nice to go in a loo with toilet paper and cleanliness! Just make sure you pour the cup of sawdust down the hole when your done ;) Went down to the 'Sophie tent' for a while with Lou and Dave to see the Metal DJ's who were fucking boss! Got very drunk with Paul and we shared loads of soppy moments in the middle of the tent but all worth it I love you so much babe <3 Then we stayed up til 4ish on the campsite with my buddies having a laugh and also got joined by a guy dressed as santa which was erm, odd! Saturday night was my favourite night, random encounters all round and a great atmosphere everyone was in high spirits! Sunday was a chilled day for us all, only band I went down to the stage to see was Paradise Lost, they were brilliant as usual and performed many of their new songs but mixed it up with some old. Nick Holmes dry humour was as present as ever I love that guy's fuck everything attitude he should have his own stage show he's hilarious plus an amazing singer..I love this band as a whole and I also like how the guitarists always look so happy when they play! Personal highlights were 'In this we dwell' from the new album and of course 'Just say words' Alice Cooper also played this day we saw most of his set from the bar as you can see the stage from there but we were too tired to go down and watch him, sort of regret that now but at the same time we were all shattered and needed to chill! We then said goodbye to Lou, Dave and Alex with a heavy heart but promised we'd all get together again soon for more fun times! Paul and I chilled again on the camp site and then realised we were too tired to stay up, but apparently we missed the epic wrestling battles and Tent man who was fighting in the ring with the wrester wannabes! Tent man is now a legend in his own right! Seems the entire camp site thought they were wrestlers of some kind but it did make it enjoyable as there were several matches going on every night and random people having jousting sessions dressed up in carlsberg boxes with an axe made from cans, crazy folk but very funny! Only regrets I had this day was missing Tent man and maybe going down the front for a while to see Alice Cooper but was a good day all the same.. Monday morning we got up, packed up our things etc..well we decided to leave the tent there and the chairs as they wouldn't go in the small car. Even packing up was fun, one guy got inside his tent and started walking away with it..And the number of pop up tents flying past us was unreal cos nobody could be arsed to put them away as they are really difficult to get down again! So in the end it turned out the 'wrestler guys' decided to cut holes in one and go flintstones style in it and run around as if the tent grew legs! Like I say never a dull moment..We then decided to 'set our tent free' once we'd taken our things out but it wasn't having it so it took a beating from said guys and it learned its lesson BAD TENT! Shortly after we left the camp site feeling sad bloodstock was over but also excited by the fact we'd soon be in a comfy bed and having a hot shower! I enjoyed every minute of this festival and can't wait to return next year even if I don't know many bands on the line up like this year! It was my first festival camping and I couldn't have asked for anything better tbh Would like to thank the people esp my wonderful boyfriend Paul. I love you so much babe thankyou for everything, Bloodstock was as wonderful as you said it would be I have loved our time together and it feels wrong been here without you. Dave, Lou, Tess and Alex..Have never met such a lovely family, you guys rule and I can see why Paul loves you so much you are truly brilliant people and can't wait to see you again soon :D I also can't forget our little camp site and the people around us..Jade obviously and her friends Chris, Sarah, Lee and John whom we shared many laughs with over the nights.. Would like to make a huge shout out to all the other people we chatted to in the bars, in the crowd, in the merch stands you are all wonderful. People there were just so friendly and I wish I could bring all of those people back here to hang out with. I have never been in a place where I have truly felt I belonged until last weekend, just goes to show there are people out there like myself who have once felt awkward in normal society but when we all get together in this field something special definitely does happen and its magical, I miss it already! Roll on 2013 cos I'll definitely be back :D peace out folks and if you like metal music get yourself to BOA 2013 you'll not regret it trust me. So so glad I took the plunge and went. It does show you that you need to do certain things in life to feel truly alive and this was by far the best weekend of my life. I have a full leg of insect bites, a sunburnt face and a bit of a hangover still..these things will soon fade away but the memories I have gained will last a lifetime!

If I hadn't made me, I would've been made somehow

There come's a time in your life when you hear a particular album and it changes your life for good! Well those of you who know me know that Incubus are my favourite band in the entire universe, I worship them.. I love everything about them, their creative input into absolutely everything they touch, their energy, their live shows, Brandon Boyd's lyrics, their originality, the way they are insanely good musicians, Brandon Boyd in general, that man's voice has the ability to send shivers down my spine! I love how every single album has evolved and each one has something different about it. There is definitely an album for every single mood and not many bands out there can do that. I may talk about the others in future but for now I am going to talk about 'Make yourself'

Right from the beginning track 'Privilege' you instantly get a feeling this album is gonna rock the entire way through.. Words in this song that strike me are "The day you were born, you were born free that is your privilege" I try and live by those words cause you really are free to do what you want, nobody should try and tell you what to do! Then we go into 'Nowhere fast' totally amazing song again with lyrics I relate to so much..then we have 'Consequence' Well some of you know Consequence is my favourite Incubus song..I just love everything about it and the words grab me. Every time I hear Brandon sing it I know he is speaking from a personal experience from when he was shit on by his ex basically, he is one of those artists that puts his all into every single performance and with this song in particular he really wears his heart on his sleeve.. well you can hear for yourself anyway. Track 4 'The Warmth' has always been a firm favourite of mine as well, this album just gets better as it goes on if I'm honest..Words that grab me here are obviously "Don't let the world bring you down not everything here is that fucked up and cold" again another motto to live life by! It's not just the lyrics that take me somewhere else with this track just the whole vibe of the song, the sounds at the beginning and the whole creativity behind it is just so unique :) Then some more strong tracks are 'When it comes' 'Stellar' and of course the amazing 'Make yourself' "and if I fuck me I'll fuck me in my own way" Indeed! I love that line and especially love screaming it out if I'm in a pissed off mood ;) we then have 'Drive' Obviously the massive single off this record but quite rightly so, great lyrics, great video and good positive vibes all around! But I urge you if you know this song and don't know the rest of the album then BUY IT! you won't be disappointed cause if you think Drive is good then you ain't heard nothing yet! We then go onto 'Clean' 'Battlestar Scrahlactica' and 'I miss you' Out of those three I miss you is my favourite is has meaningful lyrics and is just gorgeous basically! And then of course 'Pardon me' Which is another clear favourite of mine, and Incubus fans in general! Just such an amazing song and a crowd pleaser..I just love belting out "PARDON ME WHILE I BURST INTO FLAMES" on the odd occasion ;) then the album is finished off beautifully with 'Out from Under' So all in all this album is complete perfection, even if you aren't into rock as such there is definitely something for everyone in this album it has high moments, low moments and definitely takes you on a spiritual journey. Mr Boyd and the rest of the band get better with every listen that's for sure! go ahead what are you waiting for? a Written invitation?

I will be doing a few more of these life changing album reviews, I have so many to go at right now so stay tuned and much love for now xxx

People = Shit

Do you ever look around you, look at people and go what the fuck? I myself am one of these who observes things and rarely voices my opinion. Probably where I go wrong sometimes and get walked all over but I am also a firm believer that you don't always need to be heard just for the sake of it. Last night I was browsing through a few work colleagues time lines on facebook and looked back to 2008 where some of these 'so called managers' looked happy back then, ya know full of life? Out enjoying themselves and doing what they loved. Now I see them at work as these 'somebodies' or wannabes more like..It's like are you REALLY happy? Seems they have become this higher position at work and forgotten who they are almost and rarely do the things they like anymore cos they gotta work an extra shift or some shit the next day. Not saying they don't ever enjoy themselves but I have seen these people change and I'm not sure its been for the better either, I can see them questioning themselves half the time and asking do I really wanna do this? Fuck that man! I mean I could have been team leader a number of times cause I know myself how good I am but don't need to be told that. I get on with it and keep my head down 90% of the time, sure there are occasions when I have a whine or a bitch but that's usually my time of month or I get put on sweets five times a week, hmm indeed! All I really care about is getting paid at the end of the week and doing the things I like. I am still happy as I ever was, sure I hate my job a hell of a lot of the time but it's not the be all and end all of my life, it does not consume me and takes over my entire life! Who cares about been a big wheel down at Woodfield farm? Especially when you have rock music, a few true friends and an amazing boyfriend plus an amazing festival to look forward to :) After bloodstock I am going to look for something new though as I'm not sure how much more I can take, it's not so much the job its just a case of too many chiefs not enough indians, the managers and team leaders contradict themselves so often and go crying to one another if someone puts a foot wrong, ffs get a grip and deal with it yourself! I'm even bored of the whole Ronan fan thing. Sure it's exciting he has a new song and album out but I get bored of posts about plugging the single etc! I should probably be more excited and doing my bit too but thing is, I can't be arsed if I'm honest! Sure he's gorgeous, sure he's hot and has an amazing voice and I will always adore him but I have other priorities at the moment. I think it's the annoying fans that annoy me more, not Ronan, he's the innocent one in all of this. I just think these women need to focus more on their own lives instead of someone else's. Ronan made his own mistakes and is paying for them. I can't actually feel sorry for him to be honest he made his own bed so he has to face the consequences! People in general are kinda shit too, since when did society get so weird? Women obsessing over a fucking fictional bloke in a book, music sounding all the same in the charts because 'the man' says its cool does not mean you have to think that too. Me myself I do not idolise the likes of Rhianna, Katie Price, Katy Perry or whoever the fuck else. I like my idols to be free spirited and actually have some talent! I do not like people who are full of themselves, loud and opinionated I like people to be themselves and follow their own path. I believe I do okay in life I am myself so really sorry if that doesn't fit your standards. At the grand old age of 29 you tend to stop caring so much. I should probably not feel so annoyed by things but I can't help it. I am an over thinker and a worrier at times and it's not something you can shake off so easily half the time!

You're not hardcore unless you live hardcore..

Hey blog it's been a while right? Well not really had much to talk about been doing the usual which normally consists of working, sleeping and seeing my lovely boyfriend in between all of that. But last week on the same week as the Queens diamond Jubilee I had the week off work, and WHAT a week it was. Started off on Monday with a 'chill day' where I had one of my usual internet days and then at night I watched some of the Jubilee concert and cringed at it and the shit acts they had playing, Cliff Richard..I mean really?? Yeah the less said about that concert the better hmmm. But Tuesday was a day of awesomeness..Me and Paul headed off to Manchester yet again, stayed in the same cool hotel and in between arriving and sleeping we did our usual thing which usually involves getting stupidly drunk, taking over juke boxes in every pub we go in and generally just having a brilliant time rocking out in each others company! We were however disappointed with the club we visited last time 'Satans hollow' It was just well...shite! Don't know why it seemed so much more appealing last time, guess we were still on a high from seeing Shinedown? But yeah no idea why the music was so crap and all the 'kids' were standing in one place not moving a muscle, really odd! So we decided to abandon ship and head back to the Salisbury which involved more drinking, talking to random Swedish bloke and more epic juke box take-over-ness! So yeah we were pretty wrecked when we got back to our room and almost had a fight with a pringles machine on the way! Next day we were pretty damn hungover but was so worth it. Always love my time with Paul he is my best friend, lover, partner in crime, fellow music soul-mate..all of those things are more.. I love you baby <3 So Wednesday was pretty much a rule out anything day, apart from going for a meal and then getting on a train home, Paul stayed on a few days with an old friend.. Thursday was a cool day too even though my insides still felt like they didn't belong to me. I did a spot of shopping and then met up with a good friend of mine Sam! I recently got back in touch with her and I'm so glad as she is one of my true friends, someone who has always been there for me and is also on my wavelength and that is so hard to find nowadays! We went for coffee and had a catch up so was lovely to see her :-) Need to see more of her but she works insane shifts, worse than mine but she'll be glad when she starts her new job and does more normal hours! Then we get to Friday, well this was the day I finally got to see Chris, okay I may have moaned about him in previous entries about him not getting in contact etc, but I take that back now as we had such a great time together getting drunk like the old days! Was so happy it was just me and him that went out, as much as I adore Dan his partner it was good to have a 'me and Chris night' and boy did we have fun! Drank vodka until the next morning in a gay club in Sheffield, not my usual music but I put up with it for him! Was like we'd never been apart for 7 months I was so happy to be with him again and catch up, he hasn't changed a bit! Nobody can replace this guy as my best friend not many people 'get me' but he does, although he questions my taste in music but I can say the same about him ;) He is also happy I have found my true love and kept asking me when the wedding or having a baby is, erm steady on there Christopher lol! I have told him to just text me sometimes even though we can't see each other like in the past we can still be in contact I have missed him in my life so much, to the point where it hurt me! But yep Saturday was another hangover day, it wasn't as bad as the one on Wednesday it was more tiredness, but that is what happens when you go out until 5am hmmm yeah, no sympathy? didn't think so.. Had another 'chill day' on Sunday and then spent the night with my gorgeous Paul! Just watching dvds, playing x box and watching the inbetweeners. Sometimes the simple days when we're together are my favourite just cuddling, kissing, playing awesome music and hanging out together, these are my favourite times and it was definitely the perfect end to an amazing week off. I feel so much love for this amazing man I miss him already! All I can say is roll on 7 weeks time when we get to rock our asses of at Bloodstock open air festival! I have never done a weekend festival before so I'm mainly going for the experience but Alice Cooper and Machine head headlining does help :-D In conclusion I have learned that my true friends do not work with me, I can probably count them on one hand..I treasure the good times I have with them and can't wait for many more. But most of all I feel so lucky and blessed to be in such a beautiful relationship with somebody who truly loves me and of course the feeling is mutual! I love everything we are, everything we're about and the good times we have, they mean the world to me! Doing my crappy job for the next 7 weeks will be so worth everything, Do not let your job consume who you are its just something I 'do' its not who I am. What I wrote about is who I am and what I'm about! Fuck the masses we are who we are with awesome taste in everything! Do not follow the crowd be your own person, over and out for now!

This is who I am, this is what I do..

So on Tuesday me and my amazing boyfriend went on one of our epic adventures but this time a little closer to home, in Sheffield! The main purpose was to see one of our favourite bands 'Paradise Lost' later on but we decided to head to Sheffield at lunch time so yep that involved lots of drinking of course! We started off in a few cool bars near the station including 'The globe' which seemed to be one of the main student bars. Was cool though everybody seemed to be eating so we thought we'd grab a bite there too along with some cheap pints and a cocktail jug :p. We also took over in our usual style by putting some kick ass tunes on the jukebox which is kind of our thing lol! So yeah got to about 3pm so we decided to head further afield away from the erm station! We went in a few more cool places, yet another student bar plus an amazing bar I've been to a lot called 'the Old house' which specialises in beers and awesome cocktails! Couldn't leave without having a 'spiced zombie' I love rum anyway particularly Sailor Jerrys, have had that one in the past and knew it was yummy! So of course we had one and Paul well he doesn't turn down booze so I treated us to one of the elaborate cocktails where they set the lime on fire, I was warned not to put the straws in right away cos they'd set on fire haha! If your in Sheffield I suggest you try one (well in fact my grandma paid cause she gave me some pocket money the day before hehe so yep cheers grandma!!) So after we left there we were pretty drunk so had some chips to soak up some of the booze, we had a quick drink next to the venue then decided we'd better go stand outside in the queue for 20 minutes to sober us up lol! Did get some randomer to take a picture of us though so all good :) I really like this one even though I was kinda battered by now ;) Shows us looking bad ass ;) and also reflects how happy we are :)

We then went in, purchased a Paradise Lost t-shirt, that are both identical so yeah when we go out together now we have to check first if we're wearing it in case we're in fear of looking like twins! We then grabbed a beer, Met up with Paul's friend Stefan and his pal Laura who are both ace! We saw the first support band 'Vreid' Who are a Norwegian Black metal band. Not my usual cup of tea as I don't usually like 'screamy vocals' all the way through and absolutely hated hearing them on CD but live they were different I had a bit of a head-bang to them just a shame the crowd that were there to see them sucked I mean come on they weren't that bad! Then came Insomnium, a metal band from Finland.. who I felt the same about and wasn't sure if I'd enjoy them but boy was I wrong they kicked ass and were all amazing musicians! I also got a Vreid Guitar pick which am sure after thinking about it I'm pretty sure the bassist from Paradise Lost picked it up gave to me cos I recognised him when he went on stage with the band, so maybe he was supporting Vreid and is obviously more anoymous than say Nick Holmes the lead singer of PL! Very nice of him I must say as I never get anything cool like that at gigs! We then decided when most of the crowd headed to the bar that we were gonna get a spot near the front for Paradise Lost coming on so that we did. We were second row from the barrier and it was a pretty ace spot I have to say could see everything well :) Paradise Lost came on shortly after and did not disappoint!! Their setlist was a good mix of all their long career and reflected them really well and what they're about! My highlights were Fear of Impending hell, Soul Courageous, One Second, Erased and Symbol of life but it was all fucking awesome!! Only downside was that Nick's vocals were drowned out by the music I mean he has such an amazing diverse voice it would have been better if they turned the vocals up a little but other than that and a sore neck from moving my head I have absolutely no complaints whatsoever! So glad I got the tickets for me and Paul, a pretty awesome valentines gift for my babe I must say :D After the gig we were still buzzing and walked past the 'Devonshire cat' which is the pre gig pub and who did we spot quietly having a beer? 2 guys from Insomnium so us been us went in to say hi! I'm sure they thought who the fuck are these 2 looneys? Paul even offered to buy them a beer but they were like no we have to go! lol! they were nice though and appreciated it when we told them how amazing they were. Did make me laugh how me and Paul went all fangirl-ish on them and didn't really know what to say but cool all the same! we then got a bit lost and needed to get the last train home so we hopped in a taxi as it was for the best, but then realised we had 45 mins to kill so went back to The globe and necked some Jagerbombs as we saw they were 5 for £10 crazy? yes we are! We arrived back in Doncaster about midnight but didn't want to go home yet so we went in search of Beer and what we found wasn't disappointing! we found Vintage rock bar was still open which is one of our regular haunts anyway and even better we got to stay later as the place was buzzing til like 2am! We're pretty friendly with the staff in there anyway so they let us stay as we're cool and we spend money in there so all in all it ended the day pretty well, we also hung with Stefan some more who is an awesome guy! Next day me and Paul just vegetated pretty much for the whole day. Things like this do show me though that there is more to life than my mundane job, it's just something I do to earn money for the cool times like this! I have also learned that some bands can surprise you live even though I wasn't sure of them at first..this is what life is about, spending time with the people you love and generally just having a rocking time! I also recommend Paradise Lost to anyone who likes Metal or just genuine rock music, they aren't too heavy or have harsh vocals like some bands they're a great bunch of musicians who deserve more credit for what they do! Screw all this chart bollocks this is where it's at! Here are some pictures from the gig that turned out okay...

Here's to many more great times in 2012 with my lovely boyfriend and people that actually want to hang out with me :)I'm not usually the most 'sociable' person, people make me feel uneasy at the best of times but put me with like minded people then I don't shut up! Tuesday was definitely a reflection of the real me! Plus there is more to life than Ronan Keating I now realise this more and more..Just a shame some others don't see things my way and feel the need to follow his every move!

You want to live a lifetime each and every day..

Well not written on here for a while but today I felt like I needed to, have a few things on my mind so what better way than to get them off my chest than on here?

Well firstly I have been disappointed by a few close friends recently, mainly one that used to be my best mate, someone I basically lived with, someone I did everything with..Last time I saw this person was in November and he said 'lets not leave it so long next time' when I left, he gave me a hug and said he'd missed me so much. Did he keep his word? no did he bollocks.. it's now April and I have not seen him since which makes me very sad. I have tried several times to go over there and see him by sending a few texts, nothing too demanding just stuff like 'Hey we should do something soon or 'Shall we meet up for dinner one night' but got no reply! The only time he did contact me was one Saturday when I was at work asking me if I was working was like wtf? This does make me wonder if I should bother anymore? If people don't want to be my friend then they should just tell me instead of blatantly ignoring me I find it really fucking rude actually! I know people get into relationships, get new jobs and their circumstances change but you should never ever forget your real friends, the people that you can count on, well supposedly...Right now I am losing faith in some of them!
Another person in this list is someone I work with, I think somewhere in there is the person he used to be but right now he is consumed with been a total bell end at work and also in his personal life! He needs to wake up and stop been a fucking doormat all his life! I cannot look at this person the same and will never trust him with my feelings again as it's all one sided I'm afraid! I take everything he says with a pinch of salt and I am actually growing to hate this person which is a side of me I don't usually show but lately oh my god I wanna hit him! I'm not someone who is going to be used, only there when they want to vent their feelings and them have no consideration for anything I'm doing. I'd rather take a fuck you attitude and seem off with them because if I say how I really feel then it won't be pretty! Same goes for many people who work there, there are only about five people in the entire place that I can have a normal convo with and that is a shame! Only about two I could go for a drink with as I'm too different from the rest..
I am very happy I have recently got in touch with an old friend and saw her last week, shame I didn't contact her sooner as I've missed her in my life. So yeah thank god there are still some ace people in my life! Won't do that again as she doesn't deserve to be ignored like that.

Work is just draining the life out of me so much, it's not who I am at all it's just something I 'do' to make ends meet, to help me enjoy the fun side of my life with my amazing boyfriend who is everything to me! I think I need to focus on the good times and move on from the people mentioned previously. Lately I have adopted a live for the moment attitude cause what's the point in dwelling on people who don't want you in their lives anymore? Or in their lives half assed? It does hurt like hell but sometimes it has to be done I'm afraid. Life is too short to make room for people who only wanna be with you when it suits them..

I am even starting to change my feelings towards been a Ronan fan, never thought I would ever say that but it's how I feel. Yeah he is gorgeous, stunning and a great singer but at the moment I feel like I have no time to be the fangirl I once was. I will always love and support him but I do feel like he's a total fool as well for things happening in his personal life and to be honest I have no sympathy as the saying goes 'Once a cheat always a cheat' had it happen to me and I can totally understand how his wife feels :( Plus the whole fan population on twitter really fucks me off, stop scrutinising EVERYTHING he does, just enjoy it for what it is, you are not his friend, nobody is better than anyone else! get over yourselves a bit jeez! I am excited for the new album and will probably take back all I said here but for now I am in the mood to listen to hard ass rock! Not played Ronan in such a long time it's quite weird for me but hey its life I guess and people change.

I am looking forward to so much though, Paradise Lost gig on the 24th with my love, and then a week off in June where we will indeed rock the hell out of Manchester again. Plus loads of good times in between on our own turf! I would like to thank my boyfriend so much for just being him and bringing out the best in me. :D Roll on the good times baby!

Won't go into my feelings about the current state of music and society in general but y'all know how I feel about that by now lol! Will just say if your gonna go into a 'rock pub' and moan about mine and my boyfriends jukebox selections then I'm afraid you do not rock at all, people used to be cool and up for it, now they just moan I mean wtf seriously? Has the nation as a whole gone soft and think the likes of Coldplay rock? It's wrong I tell ya WRONG!

This is for the people who bug the shit out of me!

Blood on the ground - Incubus

I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground

Hand over my heart I swear
I've tried everything I could within all my power
Two weeks and one hour I slaved
And now I've got nothing to show
Oh if only you'd grow taller than a brick wall
From now on, gonna start holding my breath
When you come around
And you flex that fake grin
'Cause something inside me has said more than twice
That breathing LESS air beats breathing you in, oh

I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground

Hand over my mouth, I'm earning the right to my silence
In quiet discerning between ego and timing
Good judgment is once again proving to me
That it's still worth it's weight in gold
From now on I'm gonna be so much more wary
When you start to speak and my warm blood starts to boil
Seeing you is like pulling teeth
And hearing your voice is like chewing tin foil

I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground

High fives to better judgment
By saying less today, I will gain more, gain more
Low twos to you my, my fickle friend
You, you, you who brought the art of silent war

I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground

This pretty sums up how I'm feeling right now...

I give you 'First time' by the one and only Mr Ronan Keating :D


Valentines and those butterflies
Gets me all messed up inside
Got me feelin’ like a kid again
Woah I’m even runnin’ round tellin’ all my friends

Now every day has a reason
And every night is the real thing woah

*Chorus*
Girl you make it feel, like the first time
Like there’s never been another
Girl you make it real, like the first time
Everytime you lay down by my side, woah-woah
It’s the first time

Every moment spent with you
Somethin’ different, always somethin’ new
I watch you sleepin’, I hear you sigh
Oh I even love the way you cry

Now every kiss is a season
And every touch keeps me believin’ woah

Girl you make it feel, like the first time
Like there’s never been another
Girl you make it real, like the first time
Everytime you lay down by my side, woah-woah
It’s the first time
It’s the last time

You’ll be alone, I’m there for you
I’ll walk this earth, I’ll see this through
I need you here to write this song
You make me feel like I belong
And everytime you lay down by my side
It’s the first time



Mmm
Woah yeah yeah yeah, woah yeah
Mmm

Now every day has a reason
And every night is the real thing, woah-oh-oh woah

Girl you make it feel, like the first time
Like there’s never been another
Girl you make it real, like the first time
Everytime you lay down by my side, woah-woah
It’s the first time
It’s the first time

Thankyou Ronan for teaching me how to love and always having the best lyrics for how I'm feeling at the time :D

Valentines..those butterflies

Well now I am going to tell you about my week, starting from Valentines day..
Okay so I met my lovely boyfriend on Tuesday after been apart for a week which felt like an entire lifetime, it felt so good to be in his arms again. Those lips against mine, the feel of his skin near mine..You can't buy that kind of thing ya know..I loved feeling the sheer excitement the night before of knowing I was going to be in the presence of my love for the next 24 hours..I got the same feeling as I always get before a Ronan gig, the kind of feeling where you can't sleep, breathe..in fact do anything without getting butterflies and can't stop smiling like an idiot. But who cares? It's the best feeling in the world! I was so excited to give him his valentines gift, as I felt like I couldn't keep it a surprise any longer! I mean how good is it surprising someone with gig tickets? For a band you know he truly adores!! the look on his face and the hug he gave me after truly meant the world to me knowing that I'd made his day..And of course my gifts were amazing too, the choccies and a dvd.. its funny he got me the dvd of the very same band we're gonna see in april..yes Paradise Lost! It's like we're psychic or something, but once again could tell he'd put a lot of thought into it like he does with everything :D I do feel so lucky to have this man in my life!
Okay so we got to Manchester a little later on after a very long train journey through the countryside..Arrived at the hotel which was really nice, great find Paul my love ;) We then soon set off in search of food and alcohol which we found after a walk round and we even found a 'genting' club hmmm no prizes for guessing what goes down in there? Well it certainly amused us put it that way! Well its Manchester pretty much anything goes and you can find what you want any time of the day or night, whatever floats your boat as they say ;-)
So we found 'The Font' naturally, possibly the best cocktail bar known to man and cheap too! I mean where else can you get an um bongo cocktail? So we had a few 'cheaper' cocktails there and then found a really cute small pub called 'The Circus' which was supposedly the smallest pub in Europe but I beg to differ am sure I've been in smaller, was nice anyway apart from the outside toilet lol! After that we went back to the hotel to chill for a while and have cuddles <3 seriously the best kisses and cuddles in the world I love the feeling of been close to my man :D
We then got changed and went back out again after feeling proud we'd taken an hours break from drinking..This time we found an AMAZING rock pub called 'The Salisbury' which took us by surprise cos from the outside looked like a dive but the jukebox was ace, the staff were cool and the beer wasn't bad either ;) all in all the place had a fab vibe! We then went back to the Font obviously before heading to the Shinedown gig, which was of course the main reason we visited Manchester in the first place and of course to spend Valentines somewhere different and cool :) But yeah Shinedown took us by surprise...Not a band we've been listening to for long to be honest in fact knew very little of them until just before Christmas. But so glad we went it was so good, the lead singer Brent Smith really got the crowd going! The set list was decent as well and his voice wow!! Definitely an under rated band, I recommend them live for sure if your into rock music but also not too heavy! A definite highlight for me was their rendition of 'Simple Man' it's such a great cover..And of course 'Sound of Madness', if you don't like that song then I think your a little dead inside!
After the gig we headed to 'Satan's hollow' which is a truly epic rock club that Paul found out about so well done hun! As soon as we walked in we felt like we belonged ya know? Doncaster has nowhere like that at all! Loved the fact it played every genre of rock music in turn (but no Incubus or metal music really but never the less still cool) And the beer was cheap too so yep great place to go and somewhere for rockers hoorah! Loved every second of it and didn't wanna leave! So yes we slept well that night..The next day was kinda blurry, having to check out of the hotel for 11 was a killer and then dragging ourselves around with our big bags eurgh not pleasent I felt like I was gonna die that day lol! Starbucks and Mcdonalds saved my life for sure! But yeah had an amazing time in Manchester it just has everything I SO wanna live there! had a 2 day hangover and a cold but would do it again in a heartbeat. loved the time we spent together and like I always say Paul your not just my boyfriend you are my best mate as well :) You truly are amazing honey and couldn't imagine my life without you..

Had an amazing time last night too it was needed after a busy week at work..Love going around the little drinking establishments in town that we have come to know and love plus the quiz in vintage rock bar ;) So sad we didn't win the socks lol! Love our random nights though and can't wait for many more even though we do attract the crazy folk! Oh well part of the fun I guess...Roll on the rest of 2012 for more good times, laughs, smiles and mainly love :)

I know 2012 is only just getting going but already I have had some amazing times can't wait for more. I have come to realise the small shit doesn't matter, like work, living at home and other things that don't really count as major problems. What truly matters is the quality time you spend with the people who truly deserve you and love you for who you are, the rest can stay well clear as far as I'm concerned as my spare time is precious to me so I want to be with the ones who I truly adore, one person definitely springs to mind here :D xxx I think if you have a true, strong loving relationship then you can just about do anything you like!
If you've got to the end of this then congratulations you win...socks ;)

I love the way you love me

Okay so this last week has flown by, holidays from work always do sadly! Haven't done a great deal with the time and not done much of the stuff I said I was gonna do, or see some of the people I planned to sadly as they had to work. I have had a good rest and I think I am ready to go back tomorrow, couldn't really sit around at home all the time as I would either spend all my money in the pub or get bored and go shopping! I could maybe do with an extra day to watch all the dvds I seem to have aquired but none the less I have also had some pretty awesome times as well, mainly with my wonderful boyfriend! My birthday especially..

Do you ever wake up and know already it's going to be a brilliant day? Well yesterday was one of those days for me...Knowing I was only a short time away from meeting him when I woke up, getting that feeling of butterflies on the way into town cos I knew I'd be greeted with a warm hug, that feeling of you can't wait to see someone..yeah I'm sure you've all been there or you often experience similar feelings..well at least I hope you do! I was right it was that kind of hug where you instantly feel loved as soon as he swept me up in his arms, this made me smile even more!
We decided to go to Yorkshire Wildlife park for a few hours, mainly for something different and to stop us spending all day in the pub, which is fun but its something we do way too much. At first when it was suggested I did think for a while a Wildlife Park? What is it like a petting zoo for kids? But boy was I wrong? It was an excellent place and who knew that was right there on our door step? I was impressed I have to say especially by the Lions, meerkats and this little guy..

Yep got quite smitten with the 'little donkey' (won't sing the song lol) But yeah all in all was a great few hours and hearing the lions rawring at each other was epic too!
Afterwards we of course came back into town and went drinking, naturally but was nice spending time with my lovely man, rocking out and upsetting people in each pub with our juke box choices..Was best when a random drunk guy came over and didn't approve of Fear Factory but you know what? fuck him if he wants to moan then put your own money in pal and put on what YOU want we ain't stopping you! We were also joined by a random woman who was lovely but couldn't half go on, she wanted to be educated in the ways of rock so who were we to say no? Especially when she gave us money to put on some 'choons' But we kept it neutral and put on alien ant farm and Bon jovi lol..didn't think she was quite ready to hear Pantera and Machine head..no those are for the more hardened rockers like us ;)

Then the night was finished off at Paul's house where we shared some beautiful moments but won't draw you a picture ;) But I think that day has brought us even closer and I feel so lucky to be in such an amazing relationship with a beautiful person..I LOVE this photo of us..hehe "I always wanted to have a rocker boyfriend with long hair" says me lol! well at least I can go back to work smiling remembering all the good times and look forward to Valentines day even more and Shinedown gig baby!!!!!

Love you so much baby this is for you..and yep its Ronan ;) xx (for some reason the video link won't work so will post the words instead)




"The Way You Make Me Feel"

Couldn't feel much better
Than the way
I feel tonight
Feel like I
Could live forever
Feel like I
Could fly
When I thought
I'd get it wrong, yeah
You somehow
Make things right

[CHORUS:]
That's the way
You make me feel
Better than
I've ever known it
Better than
It's ever been
I can't seem
To control it, no
The way you make me feel
Like the sun coming up
In the morning
Like holding the world
In your hands
In a way I could
Never imagine (yeah)
The way you
Make me feel

I couldn't feel much better
Than when
I'm here with you
You make everything
Seem so easy
I'm telling you the truth
You never try
To please me
But somehow
You always do

The way you
Make me feel, yeah
The way you
Make me feel

The simple things
You do to me
Simple things you say
I sometimes can't believe
It's for real

The way you
Make me feel, yeah
The way you
Make me feel
The way you
Make me feel

I would like to thank Mr Keating for been there for me, for teaching me how to love..All those fanfics I wrote really do felt like I was writing my own love story, and well now it really is happening! Oc/Dc anyone? pahahaha!

Incubus love

Okay so now comes the time where I talk to you about something I like (yes not all my posts are rants) I am going to tell you about my favourite band in the entire world, Incubus!
Well what can I say about them? They're just not like any other band they are different and don't sound like anybody else out there which is one of the main reasons I love them so much. Oh and they are FANTASTIC live, which is a bonus ;)

All of their albums don't sound alike from the first one to the very latest one they're all unique but insanely good..The guys in the band are serious musicians and the sound they create is out of this world, and Brandon Boyd..well the man needs no introduction the way he writes songs is just beyond anything else and the way he performs and moves about on stage is just captivating! It also helps he is rather fucking sexy as well ;)

My two favourite songs by them would have to be 'Consequence' and 'Idiot Box' Both of them unique musically, lyrically and the way Brandon delivers them live is just unreal!! His voice is stunning and makes your hairs stand on the back of your neck..Other songs by them mean a great deal to me too and even more recently since been in a relationship, I am of course talking about 'wish you were here' 'Dig' and 'Love Hurts' because those songs remind me why I am in a relationship with this person and the words speak to me. Plus I think seeing them in concert brought us closer together..That experience on November the 9th will be something I won't forget in a hurry!
I don't really have a favourite Incubus album all of them are special in their own way and there is one for every mood. They know how to rock out but then the next song can be heartfelt and loving.. My advice to anyone out there who appreciates good song writing and all round great rock music then give Make yourself a listen...You will not regret it trust me!

Thankyou Incubus for keeping true to yourselves and always been amazing at what you do while at the same time keeping it real and keeping your feet on the ground! Not many bands like them anymore and if critics wanna slag off their new album and say "it's not as good as SCIENCE" then I'm afraid you don't know the real Incubus and what they were trying to achieve, here's some advice yeah? Listen to it more than once you may even like it ;)

I end this with pictures of the one and only Brandon Boyd!

Yet another rant

Well this post is dedicated to the 'Stalkers' out there..yes the kind who stalk Boyzone particularly Mr Ronan Keating whom I am very fond of (in case you didn't know) I have been reading a few things recently that have bothered me so need to get this off my chest..

First of all why do it? I know it's nice to meet him once or twice, I admit in the past (like early solo days when he travelled alone alot) I have stood outside a hotel before or after a gig and got lucky and did meet him and have no regrets but now? No way, he has a wife and three children if anything I would feel like it was an invasion of his privacy. His hotel is his home away from home and if it were me I'd kindly tell you all to fuck off but no Ronan is way too nice for his own good, shame for him sometimes cos some people dunno when to stop!

But I have seen with my own eyes people running over to him..pushing their cameras in his face for a pathetic photo opportunity. NO it's just wrong..to make it worse it's the same fucking bitches who have met him twenty times before I mean haven't they got enough pictures? The same people who go to every gig, every meet and greet, every airport, tv show, every hotel..Seriously do you people not have a life? What do your husbands/partners think of you doing this? is this normal behaviour? I am not jealous before I get accused of that, yes maybe I'd like to have a little bit more money to do a few more gigs on the tour but I think I am normal compared to some.
I also know of certain people visiting Australia to see him from the UK..Sure her mum paid for that but it's the manner in which she does it is what pisses me off..On twitter tweeting away about how much Ronan likes her and tweeting exclusive shit on her 'private account' fuck off love your not all that, nobody is important enough for a private account unless you have something to hide! It's pathetic it really is and people need to stop encouraging her. These people are not your friends sweetheart they are just milking you for all your worth and you are stupid enough to feed them what they want. Because that's all 'fandom' is..well in the boyband world anyway...People using each other for shit, it really blows and I have been 'friends' with many along the way believe me. 90% of boyzone fans are just a pack of wolves just out to get what they want and use whoever to get there.. I have seen bullying first hand over twitter for fuck sake..The people that got bullied did not deserve it and what for? Cos the people doing it are just malicious bitches who deserve to be locked up! I dunno why its turned into such a competition cos at the end of the day these guys are married do you REALLY think they're gonna look at a fan twice? delusional is a word I like to use! I think what I do is perfectly fine..I have seen Ronan twice in 2011 and I am fine with that, its called been normal..I support him and buy his albums but it seems like that isn't enough for some! Oh no lets be OTT and stalk him every chance we get yeah man..Do you not realise he maybe sick of you? Invasion of privacy much? Some people have no morals and I think they crossed the line long ago. It should be about the music and not an opportunity to constantly out-do someone cos you've seen them more! If you read this then hey sweetheart major PROPS to you well done for been the worlds biggest Ronan fan but you also have the biggest head there is, surely your house must need an extension for your head to fit in!
Anyhow I have made some true friends through Boyzone too, A few in particular who knows about this blog, thanks for keeping it real I truly believe these idiots will get their commupance some day! xxx

Society blows!

Okay so I always said I would never live in the past but at the moment I feel like it's the only happy place to be! Not in my own life cos some of that I definitely don't want to go back to, no I am talking about music and modern culture..I mean seriously what the fuck has happened to society? Do people now get a kick out of watching people make a tit of themselves on reality tv? Talking like the fuckwits from the only way is essex, since when did our wonderful English language consist of the words 'Well Jel' or 'Well reem'? You can even buy t-shirts with it on now WHY???? it's not clever it's just dumbing down things and kids are gonna think that is the norm as they grow up!
WHO decided this was a good idea for a tv show? Not just that show that gets me it's the X Factor, Big Brother and anything else where the small minded public feel they're important enough to vote for something un-worthwhile! Do people really spend their evenings watching this tripe? Is this what it's come to? I remember the days of good stuff like british comedy such as the fast show, the thin blue line, gimme gimme gimme and even top of the pops was good..once! but nah it's sold out now! not saying tv is doomed forever but now I find myself turning to our american friends for good tv, the likes of CSI or the Mentalist keep me occupied thank god!

My next rant is about music..What the hell has happened to the good rock bands? Why doesn't anyone in the charts know how to 'rock' anymore? It all seems to be pussy singer/songwriters or just CRAP in general, not dissing people writing their own songs obviously but non of it has any balls! I know my favourite bands are always bringing out new material and thank god, but why don't they ever get the recognition they truly deserve? Since when did it become 'cool' to like Rihanna? This is only my opinion of course but seriously who sits there on an evening and listens to stuff about how much money they've got or how much they like to shake their ass? fair enough if your a chav and like going out to 'clubs' it maybe more suitable for your tastes but I'm not one of those people..Plus how come nobody is original? Every one of these songs has a sample from an old song or they are so and so featuring someone else, come on now when did it get this bad? gone are the days of recording the top 40 and knowing every song..I don't think I am saying this because I am getting older I think I just know what I like and it certainly ain't this! Maybe I should stop moaning and get on with what I like, I just wonder about the public and the lack of imagination they seem to have...give me Phil Anselmo any day that guy KNOWS how to rock out and write a decent tune! I tell ya Layne and Kurt would be spinning in their grave if they knew what society had become now..
This was a rant by Miss Ellen Guest, thankyou! I know a certain Paul agrees with me? tee hee xxxx

And in this moment I am happy..

Well now I am going to talk about a person who has become a huge part of my life recently..Well he was always a huge part for over a year but lets just say my heart now truly belongs to him for the better :) He is my everything he is my soul mate, my best friend, my lover and basically just an all round ace person to be with :D I am so happy I am with you Paul I could not ask for a better boyfriend than you, you are sweet, caring, lovely, funny and your kisses take my breath away. You rock harder than anyone I know and I love the way your mind works..A few words from you instantly make my day better and I love you with all my heart. When I'm not with you I miss you and I can't wait til the next time we can be together..Brandon Boyd had it right "love hurts but sometimes its a good hurt and it feels like I'm alive" Let's just say I feel more alive than ever right now. Paul Henderson you rock my world and I can't wait to see what the future holds with you in it xxx

Well hello there!

Well I'll get this bit out of the way first so here I am, this is me...Ellen, 29 and from a small town in the UK. I live with parents still but I guess there's no shame in that with the cost of living these days, meh!
I do have a tumblr blog where I post about random things I like but I thought I'd start one on here too to write about stuff, yes Paul I'm copying you babe hehe!
I live my life pretty much by my own rules, dance to my own beat..that kind of thing! I don't usually like the same things as everyone else but that's ok, different is good! I'm not your average barbie looking girl with fake tan, long blonde hair who is into the latest chart music..nope far from it! I love my rock music particularly grunge and a little band called Incubus who make me smile more than any other band has done before!
I guess I have always been a bit socially awkward and well put it this way I prefer my dogs company to real people, she makes a lot more sense than most people I know ;) I only have a small amount of friends and people I trust but I prefer it this way..these people that have over 1000 friends on facebook make me laugh I mean do you actually know all of those people in person? No thought not ;)
I'm usually a laid back kinda gal anyway I love nothing more than kicking back in an evening playing my favourite songs, talking to my amazing boyfriend (more on you later my lovely cos you'll no doubt read this ;-) ) I am easy going but it takes me a while to trust, but once you have my trust and my heart then I will pretty much do anything for you, within reason obviously! I am a good friend, a good listener and a pretty ace person to be around if we have the same interests, but if you wanna drag me out on a Saturday night to the crap bars that play sheep like music, then you may as well leave me at home! Not my bag man! Anyway will shut up for now..much love