Well not written on here for a while but today I felt like I needed to, have a few things on my mind so what better way than to get them off my chest than on here?
Well firstly I have been disappointed by a few close friends recently, mainly one that used to be my best mate, someone I basically lived with, someone I did everything with..Last time I saw this person was in November and he said 'lets not leave it so long next time' when I left, he gave me a hug and said he'd missed me so much. Did he keep his word? no did he bollocks.. it's now April and I have not seen him since which makes me very sad. I have tried several times to go over there and see him by sending a few texts, nothing too demanding just stuff like 'Hey we should do something soon or 'Shall we meet up for dinner one night' but got no reply! The only time he did contact me was one Saturday when I was at work asking me if I was working was like wtf? This does make me wonder if I should bother anymore? If people don't want to be my friend then they should just tell me instead of blatantly ignoring me I find it really fucking rude actually! I know people get into relationships, get new jobs and their circumstances change but you should never ever forget your real friends, the people that you can count on, well supposedly...Right now I am losing faith in some of them!
Another person in this list is someone I work with, I think somewhere in there is the person he used to be but right now he is consumed with been a total bell end at work and also in his personal life! He needs to wake up and stop been a fucking doormat all his life! I cannot look at this person the same and will never trust him with my feelings again as it's all one sided I'm afraid! I take everything he says with a pinch of salt and I am actually growing to hate this person which is a side of me I don't usually show but lately oh my god I wanna hit him! I'm not someone who is going to be used, only there when they want to vent their feelings and them have no consideration for anything I'm doing. I'd rather take a fuck you attitude and seem off with them because if I say how I really feel then it won't be pretty! Same goes for many people who work there, there are only about five people in the entire place that I can have a normal convo with and that is a shame! Only about two I could go for a drink with as I'm too different from the rest..
I am very happy I have recently got in touch with an old friend and saw her last week, shame I didn't contact her sooner as I've missed her in my life. So yeah thank god there are still some ace people in my life! Won't do that again as she doesn't deserve to be ignored like that.
Work is just draining the life out of me so much, it's not who I am at all it's just something I 'do' to make ends meet, to help me enjoy the fun side of my life with my amazing boyfriend who is everything to me! I think I need to focus on the good times and move on from the people mentioned previously. Lately I have adopted a live for the moment attitude cause what's the point in dwelling on people who don't want you in their lives anymore? Or in their lives half assed? It does hurt like hell but sometimes it has to be done I'm afraid. Life is too short to make room for people who only wanna be with you when it suits them..
I am even starting to change my feelings towards been a Ronan fan, never thought I would ever say that but it's how I feel. Yeah he is gorgeous, stunning and a great singer but at the moment I feel like I have no time to be the fangirl I once was. I will always love and support him but I do feel like he's a total fool as well for things happening in his personal life and to be honest I have no sympathy as the saying goes 'Once a cheat always a cheat' had it happen to me and I can totally understand how his wife feels :( Plus the whole fan population on twitter really fucks me off, stop scrutinising EVERYTHING he does, just enjoy it for what it is, you are not his friend, nobody is better than anyone else! get over yourselves a bit jeez! I am excited for the new album and will probably take back all I said here but for now I am in the mood to listen to hard ass rock! Not played Ronan in such a long time it's quite weird for me but hey its life I guess and people change.
I am looking forward to so much though, Paradise Lost gig on the 24th with my love, and then a week off in June where we will indeed rock the hell out of Manchester again. Plus loads of good times in between on our own turf! I would like to thank my boyfriend so much for just being him and bringing out the best in me. :D Roll on the good times baby!
Won't go into my feelings about the current state of music and society in general but y'all know how I feel about that by now lol! Will just say if your gonna go into a 'rock pub' and moan about mine and my boyfriends jukebox selections then I'm afraid you do not rock at all, people used to be cool and up for it, now they just moan I mean wtf seriously? Has the nation as a whole gone soft and think the likes of Coldplay rock? It's wrong I tell ya WRONG!
This is for the people who bug the shit out of me!
Blood on the ground - Incubus
I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground
Hand over my heart I swear
I've tried everything I could within all my power
Two weeks and one hour I slaved
And now I've got nothing to show
Oh if only you'd grow taller than a brick wall
From now on, gonna start holding my breath
When you come around
And you flex that fake grin
'Cause something inside me has said more than twice
That breathing LESS air beats breathing you in, oh
I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground
Hand over my mouth, I'm earning the right to my silence
In quiet discerning between ego and timing
Good judgment is once again proving to me
That it's still worth it's weight in gold
From now on I'm gonna be so much more wary
When you start to speak and my warm blood starts to boil
Seeing you is like pulling teeth
And hearing your voice is like chewing tin foil
I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground
High fives to better judgment
By saying less today, I will gain more, gain more
Low twos to you my, my fickle friend
You, you, you who brought the art of silent war
I don't wanna talk to you anymore
I'm afraid of what I might say
I bite my tongue every time you come around
'Cause blood in my mouth beats
Blood on the ground
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